Parenting can be challenging, but parenting during a pandemic can be downright scary, frustrating, and overwhelming. We went to the guest author Kara Hoppe, MA, MFT, author of Baby Bomb: A Relationship Survival Guide for New Parents turned to Tips for Back to School to obtain for parents in 2021 that will help them to find their way in the water.
Like everything in the last 19 months, going back to school now has a different flavor. It's usually an exciting time, but this year parents are much more stressed and worried amid the excitement.
I want you to meet three families at the start of the 2021-2022 school year.
- Lucia and Victor have a 10-year-old daughter who was delighted to be studying in person again, but has just been sent home due to the close contact with Covid in her class.
- Joel and John have three children; the youngest is immunocompromised, which sometimes makes it difficult to know what is safe for the whole family.
- Mona is a single mom and her teen feels peer pressure not to wear a mask when out with friends.
Here are some parenting tips for Back to School 2021 to help you deal with these or similar situations you might face this year.
1. Work as a team
If Lucia and Víctor do not speak, it is very likely that she is sacrificing more than he did while her daughter was quarantined. Research shows that mothers often stay at home or quit their jobs during a Covid crisis. With this in mind, Lucía and Víctor sit down immediately to discuss what works best for their family. They decide to talk to their line manager about the possibility of being absent from work every other day. They discuss a possible plan B in the event their bosses don't cooperate. They also discuss how to split the two tasks like cleaning, homeschooling, entertainment, and Covid testing evenly.
This doesn't mean that all couples have to share 50%; It is important to adopt the concept of teamwork. That way, the burden doesn't fall on just one couple and everyone agrees to your agreements.
2. Get ahead
Ideally, you should prepare for a Covid emergency in advance. Think of it like preparing for earthquakes or forest fires . Along with the practical benefits, the preparation will calm your nervous system.
Our son started school, and my husband and I recently sat down and made a plan for our family. We discussed how each one fits into our work schedules, how we could set up one or more isolation rooms, and what supplies we should have on hand. We also discussed beforehand how we can talk to our son to minimize his fears.
3. Involve strangers
When you and your partner work as a team, you act as what I call the "insiders" in your family. That is, they support each other and take responsibility to make the best decisions. But families also need outside support. I call them his "strangers". This applies in particular to single-parent families, but also to two-parent families.
For example, Joel and John want to find outside people who can provide additional resources for their immunocompromised child. You can have one parent stay with her while the rest of the family takes part in an after-school activity that is not safe for them. Or they could find an online tutor to help them make up for past learning losses during a pandemic. Another helpful external resource is your doctor, who is providing advice on what is safe or dangerous for you during this time. Strangers could also bring food to Lucía and Victor's quarantined daughter and possibly help with childcare.
4. Take care of each other
When you and your partner make decisions as a team, rather than independently, do so knowing that you are meant to be. With your partner in your care, you know there will be times when you need to prioritize your needs. And vice versa. This type of arrangement is another way to calm your nervous system down.
It can also apply to other family members. For example, Joel and John can teach their children what it means to be cared for. Older children can understand what it means to have their immunocompromised younger siblings in their care, including any sacrifices they may have to make, knowing that the younger ones will have other times to sacrifice for their needs .
5. Communicate, communicate, communicate
All of the tips mentioned so far depend on the ability to communicate well. If you and your partner don't talk to each other, you won't be able to work in a team, plan ahead, or find outside resources. They won't be able to do what they need to do to calm their nervous systems or take care of each other.
Communication also includes the opportunity to talk to family members about pandemic-specific issues such as wearing a mask. While you've had over a year to talk about masks, returning to school will likely bring you new scenarios.
For example, Mona's son understands that he has to wear a mask to school, but none of his friends wear one when hanging out with a friend. How can she talk to you about it effectively? I suggest that you listen to him first, ask him about his feelings, and identify with the pressure he is feeling. On this basis, Mona can communicate what she expects from her child and gain their acceptance. In these unprecedented times, children who feel included in the decision-making process are more comfortable with the additional demands placed on them.
About the author
Kara Hoppe, MA, MFT , is a psychotherapist, teacher, feminist, and mother. She has spent more than a decade as an integrative therapist working with individuals and couples for healing and growth, becoming embedded and integrated individuals with better access to their own instincts, wisdom and creativity. Hoppe also offers virtual retreats for parents and future couples based on his book Baby Bomb: A Relationship Survival Guide for New Parents . Her work has been featured in Atlántico, Parents Magazine, paternel and YourTango , among others. She lives in Pioneertown, California with her husband and son and has her own practice in telemedicine. You can find more information about her at karahoppe.com .
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