After losing a loved one, the idea of classifying things can be heartbreaking. However, in many situations there is no time to wait, especially if you are in a hurry to prepare the house for a family member who sells late.
Before engaging in the emotional task of classifying your loved one's belongings, you should consult the Expert Council to start the process, find support and resolve disputes, and more importantly, how to relieve yourself. cry
Give yourself time, but do not delay the process
In a time like this, sorting your relative's closets is probably the last thing you're interested in. Do not hurry too much before you are done, but do not leave the task indefinitely.
"It's very individual, but if you're emotional, you can start cleaning up the house earlier than planned ," says Vickie Dellaquila, certified and author of the book, Professional Organizer, not throwing away my memories .
"I've seen people who have been running a house for years and are working bit by bit, many find it harder because it puts a lot of strain on them."
Dellaquila suggests to start with simple things (eg in the pantry or in the garage). "Everything is at hand and not emotionally charged," she says.
As you begin to organize the sentimental elements, give yourself time to grieve and feel your feelings. You do not want to force yourself to make important decisions about what to conserve and what you must give up before you are ready.
"I remember when I looked at my dad's articles, there were days when I simply could not say more," said Jen Robin , founder and CEO of Life in Jeneral , a recruiting firm. from professionals. "There were a few ... things I could not go through."
If you hit a wall, put the items in a box and come back when you're done.
Ask for help
Cleaning a loved one's house is a big job, but many people try to do it alone. Do not underestimate the emotional (and physical) effort and do not be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
"When we have strong emotions, it's harder to make decisions and think clearly," says Lisa Zaslow , founder and CEO of Gotham Organizers in New York. "Friends and professionals who approach the situation more objectively can help you overcome the process."
Bring a friend who can throw things like toothbrushes and last meal. For larger items, you can turn to the benefits. A professional organizer can handle the process from start to finish, while hauliers and lenders can remove large items they do not want, says Zaslow.
You can also work with real estate sellers to sell valuables. Shredders can get rid of old papers and sensitive documents.
Save or throw away? How do you decide when emotions are raw?
When a loved one dies, you must finally get rid of everything that reminds us.
"You do not want to throw everything away now because you are not concerned with your feelings, so later you think, 'Oh, maybe I should not have left,' said Dellaquila, but he adds, 'You do not have to be conservative with your mother , or your father. "
If you do not want to get rid of anything, Dellaquila recommends staying with one piece, for example, keeping one place instead of the entire porcelain. In this way, you can save an article that reminds you of your loved one without taking anything for which you have no place.
Finally, resist the urge to leave nothing behind. If you do not use it, let it go.
"One of my clients said I should keep my mother's branded wallets, even though I knew I would never use them," says Zaslow. "Instead, I helped sell and she delivered the proceeds of the sale on behalf of her mother to a charity."
Get the disputes.
When the brothers begin to classify the parents' affairs, the situation can become tense. What if both wanted to have this love seat or crystal flutes?
One way to resolve disputes is to divide the objects in the class.
"The right thing is to place the items, and everyone chooses," says Dellaquila. "I did it with my grandfather, who was an artist, we had a lot of sketches, we turned around and we picked one, and then somebody took the next round."
If you defend a single article that can not be subdivided, you can try a shared-preservation approach. But in the end, you have to decide if the object really deserves a tough fight.
"Does your relative really want you to contest this porcelain?" Said Dellaquila. "It really is only one thing."
For the living, the cleansing to death , a Swedish tradition affecting the rest of the world, is a way to save your loved ones from a headache to the future. The idea is to clean up your mess now. While you're there, you can even start deciding who gets your property over time, beyond what's stated in your will.
"Many people do this by placing small sticky notes on the bottom of objects," says Dellaquila. "Orange is for Maria, blue is for Mike".
Give yourself room to cry
When you create a plan to clean the place, remember that you also need time to step back and think. Biting more than you can chew is a recipe for emotional fatigue. Give yourself some limits right from the start. You may only clean one piece a day or only work a few hours each.
"When you create a goal, you can see little results and win," says Robin. "It's a very tiring mental process, so it's very important to set limits.
"It's not easy to get rid of a loved one's possessions," he adds. "Make sure you take your time and feel all the emotions on the street."
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