Dear Annie, My boyfriend "Denny" and I have been together for two years and have been living together for a year. He's lazy and doesn't realize the mess he's making. When fixing things around the house, he leaves his tools everywhere. When cooking, leave spices and wrappers anywhere in the kitchen. His clothes are scattered throughout the house. He loses everything and puts nothing back in its place. I follow him all day and clean up his mess.
I want to take care of a child. I try to be organized; There is a place (a hook, a bin, a closet) for everything, but nothing is ever in its place! The worst thing is that he has no idea what he's doing. I've done my best to goad him, show him, show him how to clean up after yourself, but he just doesn't get it. I'm ready to throw your stuff out the window. What else can I do to make it clean itself? - Clear chaos
Clean up dear mess: You said it yourself; Denny "doesn't notice" and is "distraught" at his own mess. did you mention it? Chances are you either don't notice the difference in your standards of cleanliness or just don't realize that it bothers you.
Don't beat around the bush. No more "asking" or "demonstrating" what a clean house looks like. Denny is not a telepath.
If you tell him how you're feeling and he's still not coming to his senses, you could suggest that you sort things out together. After all, less possessions means fewer things to move around the house. Marie Kondo's "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" is a great place to start.
Dear Annie, My husband and I have an incredibly loving marriage. He cheated on me a week before our wedding. I was under the influence and really had no clear ideas. It made us both stronger and closer to each other. A few months ago I was the driver of a support vehicle following cyclists at a charity event. Every night all these men drank heavily and my husband drank heavily and cheated on me again.
He is so sorry and you can see his pain every day when he says he is sorry. We both know that drinking isn't good for us, but alcohol is in the house every day. It's supposed to be weaned, but I don't see that. The alcohol in the house pushes me to drink and I try not to. How can I tell my husband that I believe he is not good for us and that I am afraid that he will make him cheat on us again?
We've talked about it before and it's been going really well for us, but then this journey happened and it's been downhill ever since. Please help! - done with it
Honey, I'm done with this: Alcohol addiction is a serious illness and I am sorry for the pain it has caused you and your husband. The fact that he consumed alcohol while driving a vehicle is particularly dangerous. You should both contact your local Alcoholics Anonymous group and seek couples counseling as soon as possible to regain control of your marriage.
Send your questions to Annie Lane at dearannie@creators.com .
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